Not Now or Ever
by Midnight Raptor
Summary: Set during The 23 Psalm. Chapter 6 up. They're rescued now but Sawyer can't help but blame himself for everything that went wrong. Sad but fluffy Skate and Jawyer. Please read. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Not Now or Ever  
Pairing: Sawyer and Kate  
Warnings: Brief language, violence  
Disclaimer: I don't own LOST, its character, the island, the monster, etc. etc.  
A/N: I've actually had this story sitting around for a really long time. I started writing this during the winter hiatus of season 2 and this opening chapter was my take on the spoilers for The 23rd Psalm of the Skate haircut scene so I know it's a bit outdated but I just started writing it again. This is a light start to a somewhat heavy fic in the end. Well, enough of me babbling. Please read and comment! Comments are a writer's best friend. :D

Not Now or Ever

Chapter 1

"You gonna get this show on the road, Freckles or what?"

Kate was brought out of her reverie by the sardonic drawl of a man with shoulder length, straw-colored hair who was sitting on a rock, apparently extremely annoyed. His sapphire-like eyes flashed dangerously at her direction and she could feel the weight of his stare fall over her like one of those heavy lead covers the doctors placed on you when you took an x-ray. Kate's fingers twitched and when she did she remembered what exactly she was about to do.

In her hand she held a pair of shears that she found in the wreckage of the plane, the ones used to shave the wool off sheep during the spring. A smile crept over her lips as the man's eyes fell over the instrument in her hand. He eyed them nervously, which was a rarely seen emotion from this man.

Kate fingered the clippers. "Yeah." she said with a hint of her amusement. "Just tell me when you're ready, Sawyer."

Sawyer cringed. "Alright, alright. Let's get this over with already."

"Okay," With that, Kate flicked the switch of the shears and took a step forward. But before she could get the blade into Sawyer's hair, he drew back, hands raised.

"Just remember," he growled. "Just 'cause you and me are an item doesn't mean I won't do something drastic if this whole 'shave off my hair' thing ain't gonna work out, sweetheart."

Kate smirked. "Got it, Sawyer." She moved forward again, raising her clippers to Sawyer's head. But, again, he pulled away.

"And you better not make it too short." he said. "I don't wanna look like a damn jarhead." Then he raised his eyes to look past Kate. "Or like that fool, for that matter."

Kate turned to glance behind her and saw Jack striding over with a ridiculous grin on his face.

"Well, howdy. St.Jack Hospital not giving you a workout today, Doc?" Sawyer called out, slipping into his sarcastic mode.

Jack shook his head. "Nah. It's been pretty quiet lately." He walked over and stopped right in front of Sawyer. "So I thought I'd pay you a little visit at the barber." The doctor's eyes glinted in the mid-day light.

"Har-har-har. Didn't know you were funny." grunted Sawyer.

Kate was beginning to grow a little impatient. "Are you done yet, Sawyer? Because you can stall all you want but I'm not going to leave 'til your hair is gone." She put a heavy emphasis on the word 'gone' to scare Sawyer.

"Hey! What'd I say 'bout my hair?"

"I know, I know." Kate sighed. "Jeez. Can't take a joke, can you?"

"Sorry to break your heart."

Kate rolled her eyes and turned on the shears again. Before Sawyer could object any further, she put the blade to his hair and ran it through.

"OW!" yelled Sawyer when Kate slightly pulled on his head. "Golly, woman! Take it easy, will you?"

"Quit bring a baby, Sawyer. I barely tugged it."

Sawyer opened his mouth to respond but decided not to. The longer I keep quiet, the sooner this'll be over, he thought. And so he sat there, face slowly turning from its regular tanned color to a deep crimson. God, he was humiliated. Why did he agree to this anyway? So what if he and Kate were together? He didn't actually sign up for the torment. Gradually, he could feel the hair on his head deteriorate as Kate ran that shear through it. He groaned out loud.

Kate heard this and let out a small chuckle.

"You enjoying yourself, Freckles?" Sawyer asked, even more annoyed now than ever.

"Oh yeah," came the response.

Sawyer turned to look at Jack. He was leaning against a tree, the lop-sided grin still on his face. Sawyer's eyes narrowed. "Isn't there something more productive you could be doing right about now? Like, say, trying to rid the world of evil?"

Jack shrugged. "Today's drama was limited."

"Whatever you say, Kal-el."

Then with one last stroke of the razor, Kate pronounced herself finished. Hesitantly, Sawyer raised a hand to his head. Instead of the long, silky hair that he once had, his hand now came in contact with a short, soft tuft.

"My...where...you..." He wasn't even able to form a complete sentence.

Kate, who had taken a step back to admire her handy work, produced a mirror from behind her back. Snatching it from her, Sawyer stared at his reflection. That was, if he could call it his reflection. He barely even recognized the man. The last time he saw himself with short hair was probably 8 years ago and that was just a wild guess.

He tore his gaze from the mirror and stared, horrified, at Kate.

"Damn! It's all GONE!"

But Kate just grinned. "Relax, Sawyer. It's not all gone."

Sawyer heard a snort and snapped his head around to Jack. The doctor was apparently trying to hold back his laughter but it wasn't going to work. He burst out laughing and turned away from the amusing sight. Sawyer cast a look of pure loathing at Jack's back and heaved himself heavily to his feet. Then he shot an icy glance at Kate, who just returned it with a teasing smile of her own.

"Why is everything that happens to me bullshit?" he muttered under his breath as he trudged away to his tent.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Well, here's chapter 2. Really fluffy Skate in this chapter with Sawyer being really sweet in it.

Chapter 2

The waves rolled in, one right after another. Anyone who just so much as glanced at them were immediately mesmerized by the rhythmic pattern in which they came. It was as if someone was constantly turning a rainmaker over and over again, never pausing to take a break, always moving their hands in the same fluid motion. The water ate up the sand as it came in contact with the shore, taking with it a small piece of the island when it retreated back into the sea.

These smallest, trivial things were noticed by Kate from her spot on a little sand hill on the beach. She looked out into the ocean, an ocean as blue as the eyes of the man she loved. Thinking about him made her heart flutter, her palms sweat, her breath catch in her throat. She'd only felt this way toward one other man. A man who was now dead because of her. Dead because of what she had refused to do.

_Don't think about him_, Kate told herself. _What's done is done and you can't undo it_. She sighed. _But sometimes I wish I could_. She wish she could take back all those memories, all that pain and suffering. No one would have had to die, not Tom or the Marshal or Jason's accomplices in the robbery. Life would have been so simple. No running away or hiding from government agents. No times when she felt that she could have died and no one would have cared.

But it wasn't meant to be. Not for her. Over the years of her life on the road, she had learned to accept that fact. The fact that she would never be able to live a normal life of her own. The fact that she would have to watch in jealousy the normal lives of others. That was what killed her. She hated living like this, living her "half-life" as she called it. She hated it and yet accepted it. She didn't know how she had kept herself motivated to live all these years but she did.

Looking at the waves again, she wished that she could do to her past what the water was doing to the sand: washing it away. Then she wouldn't have to live with it anymore. But things like that didn't happen for real. As much was she willed it to be. And it wasn't ever going to happen. Not now or ever.

-----------------------------

Sawyer dragged his feet through the soft sand along the beach and looked out into the horizon. It was dusk, with the sun slowly setting into the distance. Another day gone and another to follow. Same old, same old. But that was life on the island. Each day redundant of the past. And he didn't really have anything to live for. That was, until he met her. Then each day was a new experience, a new world to explore. One with no boundaries or limits. That was what he loved about being love. He'd never felt this way before, toward anyone in his life. All those one-night stands meant nothing to him. It was just a job, nothing more. But Kate was something else, something he never wanted to let go of. Something he never wanted to end. Not now or ever.

Tearing his eyes away from the setting sun, Sawyer looked at the length of the beach. In the distance, something caught his gaze. A lone figure was sitting in the sand, legs drawn up to her chest with her arms hugging them protectively. Her long, ebony hair fluttered slightly in the breeze, making it look like a dark veil that was cast over her face. Sawyer took one look at her and all at once his surroundings slipped away. The only thing he saw was the woman sitting on the sand hill. Her and only her.

He strode over to the still figure, taking in her every feature to cherish forever.

"Whatcha doin' out here all by your lonesome, huh?" The woman turned her head to look at him. Apparently, she hadn't heard him coming because she jumped slightly at the sound of his voice.

"Something." she replied with a little smile.

Sawyer rolled his eyes. "Well, it sure as hell looked like _nothing_ to me."

Kate scoffed. For a minute they just stared at one another, their eyes seemingly sending out little sparks of electricity to the other. Sawyer loved that about her. Her intensity, her spontaneity, her uninhibited ness. That was what made her unique, unlike anyone he'd ever met.

Not breaking their eye contact, he took a few more steps toward Kate until he was standing right next to her. She looked up at him and cocked her head.

"What?" she asked, knitting her eyebrows together.

"Nothing." Sawyer sighed and he set himself down beside her.

They sat in silence for a while, just watching the sunset before them, watching the sky slowly change its color from orange to blood red. A slight breeze blew past them and Kate shivered since she was only wearing a thin t-shirt. Instinctively, Sawyer pulled her closer, shifting his legs so that she was sitting between them. Sawyer brought his arms around her body and clasped his hands over hers. Now she was secure, safe in his arms. He felt her body relax into his. He felt her chest moving up and down with her steady breathing. He inhaled deeply, taking in her sweet smell. She smelled like the shampoo that was found in the hatch, a fruity blend of scents.

He rested his chin gently on her shoulder. Kate brought a hand to his head and began to ran it through his now short hair. It felt weird to him now, to have no hair flowing over his neck or to have to brush it away when the wind blew it all over his face. Somehow it just wasn't him.

Kate turned her head to look at him. "I like your hair." she said with a smile.

"Yeah, I did too." Sawyer replied, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "'til you shaved it off."

"Oh, come on. You'll live. If you survived a bullet in your arm you can survive your first haircut in about 10 years."

Sawyer rolled his eyes and mocking mouthed Kate talking. But she didn't see him since she had returned her attention back to the sun. After a while she spoke again.

"Besides, I think it makes you look a little like Brad Pitt."

Sawyer couldn't help but smile. "Brad Pitt, huh? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It's a good thing." Kate assured him. "I used to have a huge crush on him."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Sometimes I'd have daydreams about him." Kate paused before continuing. "One day I was sitting in my geometry class. My teacher, Mr. Lorier, was going on and on about trapezoids. The next thing I knew I was having this mental image of me and Brad sitting on my couch at home. He asked me what my name was and I said, 'Kate.'. Then he started laughing."

"What happened next?" asked Sawyer, cocking an eyebrow.

"There was no 'what happened next' 'cause my teacher threw a piece of chalk at my head for not answering his question." Kate looked at him sheepishly.

Sawyer's lips curled into a half-smile. "Darn. Right when that picture was starting to look good in my head."

Kate turned her head. "Why do I even put up with you?" she sighed.

"You know," Sawyer said with his smile growing even wider. "I got so many reasons. Do you really want me to answer that question, Freckles?"

"Yeah, I do, actually."

Sawyer chuckled. "Alright." He leaned his mouth closer to Kate. "Reason number 1." he breathed into her ear and started to gently kiss the lobe. Kate giggled like a small girl as she squirmed in between his legs. But Sawyer's grip on her was too strong and her attempts were futile. Then he began to move his lips down her neck. "Reason number 2." he said in an even softer voice.

As his trail of kisses lead down to her shoulder, Kate scoffed slightly. "Are those your only two reasons?" she asked teasingly, turning her head behind just a little to glance at Sawyer.

Ceasing what he was doing, Sawyer looked at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Oh, there's more. Believe me." Then, without warning, he let go of Kate's hands and dropped his own down to her sides. He began to tickle her, offering no mercy or escape. Kate let out a yell of surprise and writhed to try and break away from Sawyer. She managed to turn around although he started to tickle her harder than ever. Forcing him to the ground, Kate pinned him there, all the while laughing like there was no tomorrow. Sawyer held onto her firmly and rolled her over so that he had the upper hand. But Kate wasn't going to give up that easily. Wrapping a leg around his and taking a hold on his shoulder, she forced him on his back again but only to be flipped over herself. Again and again they rolled in the soft sand of the beach, laughing and yelling like two teenagers.

Finally, when Kate no longer had the strength to continue, Sawyer found his way on top of her. Gasping for air because of how hard they had laughed, they panted like winded runners. Kate smiled up at Sawyer, the man she loved. It was perfect. Just the two of them, here, on the island with nothing in their way. Not the law or anything in the "real world". Kate wanted this to never end, ever. Not her happiness and joy. She never wanted to lose what she had found: the man of her dreams. And who would've thought that he was another criminal. Her smile faded just a little at this thought.

Sawyer saw this and opened his mouth slightly to ask what was wrong. But, knowing her, she probably wouldn't tell anyway. So he pretended that he didn't notice. Instead, he chuckled softly.

"You still want me to explain number 4?" he asked, leaning his head down to hers so that they were just centimeters apart.

Kate's smile flickered back on. "I think I got it." she whispered back.

"Oh, really?" Sawyer cocked his head. "You think you got it? Well, I think I'll just give it to you anyway."

He brought his head down the rest of the way to meet her lips. She offered no resistance, completely giving in to him. He coaxed her mouth open, although there was very little coaxing to be done, and shot out tongue his into hers. Their tongues danced, each feeling the other as if memorizing every little feature. The was gentle and soothing, almost like Sawyer were trying to tell Kate that everything was going to be alright. That he would never let anything hurt her. That he would do anything to protect her. And he swore to himself that he would live up to it, every single word.

Reluctantly, they broke apart. Smiling, they looked at one another, sharing a few silent words before chuckling to themselves. Sawyer planted one last soft on Kate's forehead, determined to seal his invisible oath to himself. And from that point on, nothing would be out of the question to protect her. He would do anything and everything. Nothing would be impossible. Not now or ever.

* * *

Please tell me what you think!I love comments!:) 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Things get a bit dark in this chapter.

Chapter 3

Unable to take any more of the stillness, Kate slowly eased herself out of Sawyer's warm embrace and got to her feet. She paused a moment at the entrance of the tent to look at Sawyer's sleeping form, so peaceful and relaxed, so unlike him when he was awake. Just then he stirred and for a second Kate thought that he would completely awake but all he did was mutter something about paying someone five grand to see something again. A smile pulled at Kate's lips as she thought of all the possibilities of what Sawyer could be referring to. Deciding to continue her musings outside, she took one last look at Sawyer before stepping out of the tent. Kate walked a ways down the beach and found a spot to sit a few feet from the huge signal fire that Sayid was still crazy about keeping lit. There she stared out into the ocean for about the tenth time that day, as still and as silent as a cat in the dark.

She didn't what it was about the ocean that made her just want look at it for so long. Maybe it was the peacefulness. Maybe it was the calming noise it made when the waves washed up on shore. Whatever it was, it drew her to the beach from her very first day on the island.

The beach was where she did most of her thinking. It was one of the few places in her life where she was able to find peace within herself and with a past like hers, that was a feat that she cherished. Staring into the pristine waters seemed to make almost everything fade away. The key word was _almost_. _Almost _everything went away. _Almost_ all her worries washed away with the waves. She wished that it could be all, but it wasn't going to happen. Not now or ever.

As she sat there she examined her relationship with Sawyer. They had been together for about a month now and it was the most exhilarating month in her entire life. While half of the survivors often made up stories about them behind their backs, teasing ones of course, she and Sawyer had decided to let them think what they wanted and just offered small grins when asked about their "fling" as some would say. Many doubted that the two would stay together long, seeing that Sawyer could be such an annoying bastard at times. Kate had even heard Charlie and Hurley exchange bets as to how long they would remain a couple. But it was a month later and she thought she saw Charlie moodily hand over one of Claire's jars of peanut butter to Hurley the other day.

It had been a long time before Kate had felt like this toward anyone. A very long time. It seemed to her that Tom was now a lifetime away although in reality it was only 3 years ago. When she had arrived on the island, she couldn't have cared less about Sawyer since his cocky one-liners were often met with hostile glares and comebacks. And, well, he was just plain selfish. Then when Sawyer left, it was as if someone had pierced her heart with a bullet. It was at that moment that Kate realized that she had fallen for him. She never even got a chance to say good-bye and that just tore her apart. After Sun had showed her the bottle with all the messages of the survivors, it dawned on Kate that Sawyer wasn't coming back and she began to look to Jack for comfort. The doctor was kind and gentle and could give her the love and care she needed. But with Sawyer she had an adventure, something unlike anything she had ever embarked on before and she loved the thrill of it. Don't get her wrong; Jack was a really great guy and Kate had even felt something for him. But that was long ago. Now they loved one another in a different way, each respecting the other's choice to move apart.

As all these things ran through her mind, Kate heard something move behind her. She twisted her head around, searching for the source of the sound. But all she saw was Sawyer's tent with him fast asleep inside it and the dark jungle. Thinking that it was just the wind rustling the trees, Kate turned back around, sighing with relief. But a few seconds later she knew that she had let herself off the hook too early.

A strong, heavy hand suddenly clamped over her mouth, catching her completely off guard. Almost instinctively, Kate lashed out, swinging an arm behind her. She felt it come in contact with something soft and the person holding her immediately let go, whimpering in pain. Kate, as fast as a bolt of lightning, sprung to her feet and turned to face her assailant.

They were a savage looking bunch, their clothes in rags and their faces gaunt and hostile. In their hands were clubs fashioned out of what looked like tree branches.

Kate was terrified. These must be the dreaded Others everyone was scared senseless about. And they were standing right in front of her. Damn.

Before they could shut her up, she began screaming at the top of her lungs. "HELP!"

Alarmed, one of the Others, a huge hulking figure with a long scar running down his face, quickly scooped Kate into his arms and took off at a run.

"HELP! HELP!" Kate continued to scream until something hard hit her in the back of the head. She felt a sharp pain echo through her head and she thought she heard a familiar voice yell her name. It was desperate and frightened but she wasn't sure exactly who it was. Kate tried to respond but the pain got to her and then...nothing.

----------------------------

Sawyer eyes itched to open but he refused to give in. _It can't be morning yet_, he thought, irritated. He let out a long sigh through his nose. Slowly, with his eyes still closed, he moved an arm around to drape it over Kate's shoulders. But his arm came in contact with nothing, just air. Suddenly, he was wide awake, his eyes flying open in a second. He looked around the tent but saw no signs of Kate. His gaze met a group of shadows outside. There seemed to be some sort of struggle. Then he heard a scream that made his heart bang furiously against his chest.

"HELP! HELP!"

Kate.

Bolting up from the tarp that had been laid out as a bed, Sawyer made a dash for the entrance of the tent, grabbing a flashlight as he went. Outside, Kate's abductors were darting off into the jungle with her body slung over one of the people's shoulders. _Oh shit_.

"KATE!" Sawyer took off at a mad run, not caring that the people who had just run off with her could be the Others, not caring that the jungle wasn't the survivors' territory but _theirs_. He didn't care about any of that. No. All he cared about was Kate and his promise to keep her safe.

-----------------------------

He was walking in the jungle. Nothing too significant about the day. Blue skies, a light breeze sweeping across the island. It was perfect, really. Although he didn't really know what he was doing in the middle of the jungle.

Then, he heard a scream.

"HELP!"

It was a woman's voice and it was coming from outside the jungle. Alarmed, he started running through the trees, trying to locate the sound of the voice. He reached the end of the jungle and came upon a cliff. He heard the yell again.  
"HELP! HELP!" It was more frantic now.

He looked over the edge of the cliff and saw, to his horror, the woman in danger.

Kate.

She was hanging onto a vine but barely.

"Kate!" he yelled. "Just hang on, okay?" He laid down on his stomach and extended his hand. Kate attempted to reach for it but their hands just wouldn't meet. He tried again, this time bringing himself more over the lip of the cliff. She grasped his hand and when she did he could feel the warmth spread throughout his whole body.

"Hold on! I got you!"

But Kate grip wasn't strong enough. "I can't!"

He could feel her hand slipping from his and his arm strained to support her weight.

"Don't let go, Kate! I got you!"

But she couldn't hold on any longer. Kate released her grip on his hand and plunged down and down and down...

Jack awoke with a start, panting._ It was a dream_, he thought. _All a dream_. But then he heard the exact same scream from his dream echo through the night. _Oh god_. Jack sprang to his feet and fumbled around his tent for a flashlight, cursing as he did so. Finally he found one and, throwing back the tarp entrance of the tent, ran outside in a frenzy.

Following the sound of the screams, he darted into the jungle with the terrified shouts of the survivors behind him. Flicking on his flashlight, Jack barreled through the darkness with just a thin ray of light to guide him. He jumped over fallen trees and ditches. He squeezed through tight passage ways in the trees, collecting scratches and scrapes along the way. Then he saw someone in the distance, running as furiously as him. Jack put on a burst of speed and quickly caught up to the person. Throwing himself forward, Jack tackled the man just as he was turning around to see who was following him.

Pinning the man to the ground, Jack shone his flashlight in his face to reveal his identity. Two piercing blue eye bore into him and a snarl adorned the face. An extremely pissed off Sawyer glared at Jack, panting heavily.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he yelled. "Get the fuck off me!"

Jack immediately jumped off Sawyer and stood up. Sawyer scrambled to his feet and, without warning, took off running again.

"Hey! Sawyer, wait!" Jack bolted after him. "SAWYER!"

But Sawyer wouldn't stop. Jack had no choice but to tackle him again.

"What happened, Sawyer?" Jack demanded once he had him secured.

Sawyer looked at Jack with angered incredousness. "You're askin' me what happened, Doc?" he said, pointing at himself. "Now let me ask you. What the fuck was that about, huh?"

"Sawyer, I didn't know who you were. I couldn't tell from a distance."

"Yeah, well you didn't have to pull a blitz on me, damn it!"

"You could've been one of them!" Jack was reaching the end of his patience. Why couldn't Sawyer just cooperate with him for once in his life?

"Oh, yeah?" Sawyer snarled. "Well thanks to you, Sheriff, the real Others ran off with Kate slung over one shoulder like a sack of potatoes! You should be real proud of yourself now, huh? Helped out our little mystery friends, didn't you? Don't know how they'll thank you. Probably send you one of Kate's eyeballs as a present for your-"

But Sawyer never got a chance to finish his sentence because Jack's fist connected with his jaw.

"Shut up, you bastard! You think I asked for this?!"

Recovering from the blow, Sawyer kneed Jack in the groin. The doctor grimaced and released Sawyer who staggered to his feet, clutching his mouth. Out of the corner of his eye, Jack saw Sawyer lunge at him and in a second felt a heavy boot come in contact with his stomach. Jack rolled over, winded. But before Sawyer could inflict further harm, several pairs of strong hands grasped him from behind and hauled him away from the doctor.

"Sawyer!" said Locke's commanding voice. "Take it easy!"

Sawyer let out a sigh that came out sounding more like a growl and jerked himself from the iron grips that held him. Breathing a bit heavily, Jack got to his feet and raised his eyes to look at Sawyer. The man shot him an icy look before turning and storming off back to the beach. No one tried to stop him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Chapter 4 here. Jack and Sawyer have a friendly conversation on the beach and Kate realizes something that scares her. Only 2 more chapters after this.

Chapter 4

Sawyer stared out into the brilliant blue ocean, attempting to calm his nerves before he, Jack, Locke, Sayid, and Eko started their trek into the jungle to find Kate. It was morning now, almost 12 hours since Kate had been taken by the Others. Just a few minutes ago, the search party had been discussing how to approach the situation. Sawyer wanted to go out at once but Locke and Sayid preferred a more methodical search pattern, saying that they should go out in pairs to look. But Sawyer would have none if it.

"Yeah, sure, we'll go out in pairs!" he had said sarcastically. "Then we'll get picked off one by one by whatever the hell lives in that godforsaken jungle! Brilliant plan, guys!"

"Then what do you suggest, Sawyer?" asked Sayid, crossing his arms.

"I say we all go out at once. Five of us against that one shit brain that's out there. Hell, I'll take the chances. After all, safety lies in numbers."

They argued for a while then, after deciding to go to the hatch to arm themselves further, they agreed.

"Well, it's settled then." said Locke. "We leave for the hatch at noon." With that they separated.

That was a few minutes ago. Sawyer guessed that it was about 10:00 so he had 2 hours to kill. 2 whole damn hours of just sitting here while Kate was in who-knows-where with a bunch of weirdos who ran off with some kids from the other camp just a few weeks ago. Golly, was this picture really looking good. Sawyer sighed impatiently and ran a hand through his hair. Then a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Hey,"

Sawyer turned to see Jack walking over with two little bottles clutched in his hand. "Well, well, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked as the doctor sat down beside him.

Jack scoffed. "Want a drink?"

"Why not?" Sawyer accepted Jack's offer, taking one of the bottles of Jack Daniel's and uncorked it.

"Sorry for tackling you last night, by the way." Jack said after opening his bottle.

"Yeah, yeah."

"I couldn't see you clearly. Really, I couldn't."

"Uh-huh," Sawyer took a swig of whiskey and swished it around in his mouth before swallowing. "Jeez, that punch hurt." he commented, remembering the incident. "I thought we were past the hitting."

Jack grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, that one kinda slipped."

"Yeah, that's what they all say."

That was the weird thing and him and Jack. They were...well, you could call them friends now. Ever since Sawyer had gotten together with Kate, he had been less aggressive toward Jack and vice versa. Kate had explained to Sawyer that she loved Jack as a big brother and that he cared for her as a little sister. And, as a real brother would be of his sister, Jack was extremely protective of Kate but more or less gave her and Sawyer their space. _Funny how things work out_, thought Sawyer. Sure, they still had their times of conflict and "give a little push on the playground" moments but they were pretty much ok. Together he and Jack teased Kate occasionally and together they comforted her. _She must love it having two shoulders to cry on._

They sat a while in silence, drinking the alcohol and looking out into the ocean before them. Then Jack spoke.

"I know how it feels." he said softly.

This caught Sawyer's attention and he snapped his head around to look at Jack.

"To want to protect the one you love no matter what the cost." he continued. "To want to know that they're safe."

"Oh, really?"

Sawyer saw Jack's head drop a little bit as he nodded his head almost ruefully. "Yeah. I was married." He paused and swallowed a swig of whiskey. "Once."

Sawyer chewed over what he had just heard. " 'Once'." he repeated. "So I guess it's safe to assume that you're not anymore."

Jack shook his head slowly. "Yeah. It was a long time ago."

Sawyer took a drink of whiskey, letting the alcohol burn his throat as it went down. So Jack knew how he felt right now. That was a revelation. But then again he was the one who went running around trying to save everybody. He was the hero, not Sawyer. Sawyer was just the person who loved Kate and wanted to keep her safe. He wasn't the world's savior. And he could never be.

Jack drew his eyes away from the water and down to the sand. He seemed to be thinking about something.

"We're gonna find her, Sawyer." he said in a voice even more softer than before.

"How do you know?" Sawyer's voice was flat and expressionless.

"I know because we have to. And I'm not gonna rest 'til we do."

Sawyer knew that Jack meant every word he said. He loved Kate just as much as Sawyer did. "Neither am I. I just hope we find her before anything else in that freak house does." His eyes were distant as he said this like he could see her on the other side of the ocean. And actually, if he tried real hard, he could. He could see her smiling and happy without a care in the world. Without the troubles that her life gave her. Without those scars that that jackass Wayne gave her. And right then she was perfect. As perfect as can be. But only in his dreams. It wasn't going to happen in real life. Not now or ever.

--------------------------

Kate groaned.

Slowly, painfully, she blinked her eyes open, the action costing her almost all her strength. She raised her neck to take in her surroundings, only for her gaze to fall upon a mass of brown right in front of her. A sharp, tingling sensation suddenly shot up her leg and she shifted them out from under her to allow her blood to flow to the area. Raising a hand, Kate rubbed her eyes to clear them of their fogginess. And as what lay before her came together in one, coherent picture, she felt her stomach drop to her feet.

A wall of tree branches that had been bound together surrounded her, giving her little slits in which to see the outside world while faint rays of light shone through the gaps. Kate looked down; she was sitting on branches too. As she realized this, a single thought came through her head.

_I'm in a cage._

Kate forced herself to remain calm. It was only a cage. She could easily get herself out. If she had managed to get herself away from the Feds, she could definitely break out of a cage made out of branches. No big deal. So she stood up. But when she did the cage swayed and creaked dangerously causing her to lose balance and she fell against the branches.

Her hands began to sweat as she thought about what would make the cage sway like that. Slowly coming to a conclusion, Kate peered though a gap in the branches and looked down. Below her was a creek, the water making a soft, rushing sound as it flowed. But it was about 40 feet down, a terrifyingly high drop from her point of view. Her eyes turned to ther left and through the branches' slits. On that side was land but it was a good 20 feet away.

She put all this together in her head, trying to get a logical picture of where she was. And the image that came to her was an alarming thought.

She was in a cage that was dangling over the edge of a cliff. And by the ominous creaking that it made when she stood up, the cage wasn't going to be dangling for much longer.

Her mind racing furiously, Kate quickly scanned her enclosure for any sign of an opening. But the only one she found was above her that, even if she stood on her toes, she could not reach. She dared not try to jump for it, fearing that the pressure would send the cage plunging down but there was no other way out.

Not wanting to take her chances on having the cage give way, Kate had no choice but to sit and wait, hoping that someone would rescue her.

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As always please leave a comment:) 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sawyer, Jack, and the group set out to look for Kate when something unexpected happens. This is the second to last chapter. Last chapter will probably be up by Sunday.

Chapter 5

Rain poured down from the sky, a torrent of water pelting at their bodies. Every now and then the wind would ruffle the branches of the trees. No one made a sound, not even a mere sigh. Their surroundings were still save for the snapping of twigs and dried leaves with every step they took.

Carefully, slowly, they made their way through the jungle. They moved like soldiers, swift and precise, their eyes darting about not missing a beat. Their faces were painted in shades of forest green and black, making them a menacing looking bunch.

Sawyer gripped the stock of his gun tightly. They had been walking for what seemed like hours and still there was no sign of Kate or the Others. Back at the hatch they had raided the weapon room, taking almost everything it had in it. Locke had wanted them to be just armed with the pistols, arguing that they were easier to carry, but with a whole arsenal and a band of kidnapping, murdering people awaiting them, nobody cared to listen.

Now they were all carrying automatic rifles along with their original weapons, the Berettas, tucked into their waistbands as backup. Feeling the strong handle of his gun made Sawyer feel confident and alert, ready for anything. There was no way those fucking psychos could take the fire power.

But still, with a loaded AK-47 in his hands, he felt like he was missing something. Some little disturbance in the sereneness of the jungle that hadn't been detected. Part of him wanted to say that they were being watched. The other part believed that it was just the tension; tension that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. But he kept his mouth shut, not wanting to sound like an over-grown baby.

And so they went on. Sawyer slid his eyes over to Jack who was a few feet in front of him. The doctor's back was straight and rigid as if he were expecting a blow at any moment. He barely moved his body save for his legs. In his arms he cradled the second of 5 rifles that had taken from the hatch which Sawyer knew Jack barely knew how to operate except that when he pulled the trigger a hail of bullet exploded from the barrel. But this didn't stop any of them who had never touched a firearm bigger than a pistol, save for Sayid and Locke, from arming themselves with the automatics. The fact was that they were more reassuring than a little handgun.

Sawyer's gaze then moved to the rest. They all wore dark clothing to blend in easier with the jungle. The face painting had been Locke's idea. There were 5 of them including Sawyer. The only 5 on the island who knew how to use a gun. The only 5 that were alive, that is. Sawyer shuddered inwardly as he thought about the time when the survivors had awaken to Charlie's frantic screams that Ana-Lucia's lifeless body was hanging from a tree in the middle of the jungle, with two gruesome slits in her neck. After that no one was the same.

Suddenly, Locke raised a fist in the air, signaling for them to stop. At once, the men halted, not daring to go a step further. Sawyer lifted his gun a little higher, feeling his senses increase. They waited, the rain drenching their clothes making them cling to their bodies. Then...

"AHHHH!!!!"

They all spun around to see Sayid sprawled on the jungle floor with a huge man beating the daylights out of him. Simultaneously, they raised their guns to shoot but before they could pull the trigger, several more people came out for the shadows and attacked them. Sawyer went down, feeling the hard skull of someone ram into his side. The gun flew out of his hands and landed in the mud at their feet. And the battle was on.

Pinned to the ground, Sawyer felt an iron hand come down hard on his face. But he wasn't going to take this abuse. Letting out a snarl, he lashed out striking whoever it was on top of him right on the bridge of the nose. He heard a curse and a bit of the pressure was lifted. Taking this opportunity, Sawyer dove blindly for his gun since the blow left his eyes watery and stingy. Just when he felt the handle beneath his fingertips, he was tackled yet again. Mud splattered everywhere. Around him, Sawyer could hear the grunting of the others as they got hit. But he didn't hear gunfire yet.

Then he remembered that he still had the Beretta. Sawyer's hand closed around the grip of the gun and he drew it from behind him. He fired a single shot into the man's chest. The impact blew him back, his arms flailing wildly. That showed the bastard not to fuck with Sawyer.

------------------------------

Quietly, Jack slipped away from the fighting. It looked like his comrades were handling themselves pretty well considering how brutal those other people were. And while the Others were occupied he felt that it was the perfect opportunity to search for Kate. He snuck around a huge tree and took off in the rain.

Jack crept through the jungle, gun trained on anything that moved. Then he turned abruptly around another tree and ducked under some low hanging branches. He had absolutely no idea where he was going but something in his gut told him that he should go this way. Just then he saw something through the trees. Quickening his pace, Jack strained his eyes against the rain to see what it was. He stepped out of the trees and into a clearing. And what he saw shocked him.

There, hanging from a limb of a tree, was a cage that appeared to be made out of branches. It swayed slightly with the wind, causing the branch to creak. And it was dangling off the edge of a cliff. Looking at it, Jack knew who was inside.

Kate.

"Kate!" He ran to the tree and began scaling it to get to the branch that supported the cage.

The cage quivered. "J-Jack?" came a hesitant voice.

Slinging his rifle over his shoulder, Jack laid himself down on his stomach and slid across the branch. He felt it bend beneath him, his weight almost too much for it. But he went on. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a little creek flowing at the bottom of the cliff which just happened to be about 40 feet below. Great, he thought. When he reached the rope that held the cage to the branch, he extended a hand to lift the top off. Inside sat Kate, hugging her legs protectively. She looked up at him, both fearful and relieved.

"Jack," she whispered in a voice that sounded like she was on the verge of crying.

"Hold on, Kate." Jack echoed his words in his dream. He leaned down a little further, straining his arm. "Take my hand."

Letting go of her legs, Kate reached up and grasped Jack's hand firmly.

"You ready?" he asked.

Kate nodded.

Jack pulled for all he was worth and slowly Kate was lifted out of her enclosure and onto the branch which continued to groan under their weight. Panting, Jack let go of her hand.

"Go." He nodded toward the edge of the cliff.

Sensing that the tree wasn't going to hold them for much longer, Kate didn't argue and hauled herself toward the tree trunk. When her feet touched the ground, Jack carefully began to bring himself back as well. But one thing stopped him.

He became aware that he had a little rip in his pants near his foot. And it had gotten caught on the branch. He wasn't going anywhere.

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Commet please! Tell me what you think.:) 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Final chapter here. It's set to the song "Into the West" by Annie Lennox from the LOTR: ROTK soundtrack. They're rescued now but Sawyer can't help but blame himself for everything that went wrong. Sad but fluffy Skate and Jawyer.

Chapter 6

Sawyer slowly walked across the deck of the ship, fists stuffed inside his pockets. He stared at the ground before him and listened to the crew hustle to get everything settled in for the night. His face was flat and expressionless, not letting anyone know what was really going on inside his head.

Then he raised his eyes to look out ahead of him. There, standing just a few feet away was a woman leaning against the railings of the ship. Her dark, curly hair fluttered in the wind, much like his heart did when he looked at her. She didn't move, not a muscle.

Kate.

Sawyer sighed deeply. He just stared at her for a moment. He didn't take a step closer, he didn't shift his feet. He just stood there and watched her. Just then all his guilt came back to haunt him. He couldn't look at her the same way anymore. Because it was all his fault.

_Lay down _

_Your sweet and weary head _

_Night is falling _

_You have come to journey's end_

Not being able to take this any longer, he strode over to her.

"Hey," he said in a soft voice, one that he wasn't used to using.

Kate turned slightly to acknowledge him. "Hey,"

Coming up behind her, Sawyer placed his hands on her arms and gently began to rub them. Then, moving them lower, wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She rested her head on his chest and Sawyer felt her body relax into his. And so he held her, not wanting to let go. Not now or ever.

_Sleep now _

_Dream- of the ones who came before _

_They are calling _

_From across a distant shore_

He sensed her eyes closing, as if all that time that he spent with her had strengthened his mind to pick up these small, trivial things. She breathed in deeply, almost sadly as her hands went over his. Sawyer looked down at them and marveled at how small were. So delicate, like her, and yet so strong. Those were the hands that had carried her through all these years. They were tired and worn down by many long, hard abuses not only on the island but throughout her whole life and all Sawyer wanted to do was not allow those same incidents to happen again. But he knew it was impossible despite his promise to himself. And a death showed him why.

_Why do you weep?_

_What are these tears upon your face?_

_Soon you will see _

_All of your fears will pass away _

Just then, Kate's body began to shake slightly. Worried, Sawyer gently turned her around to face him. He looked at her and saw glistening tears streaking down her cheeks. Seeing Kate like this tore his heart in two. He could take it, he couldn't see her suffer. She had been through so much already. Why did this have to happen to her?

Raising a hand, Sawyer tenderly wiped away the tears that were cascading down with his thumb. He tried to give her an encouraging smile but it just wouldn't come. Kate looked away from his face, sniffling. Sawyer sighed and lowered his eyes too. He swallowed what little confidence he had left and brought his hand again to her face, this time cupping it under her chin. He raised her face to look at his.

Her soft, dark eyes bore into his hard, blue ones. They were slightly red and puffy from crying but they had just one message for him: _Why did he have to die?_ Sawyer's gaze faltered a bit as she looked at him. But he had to be strong. After all, he had promised him that he would look after Kate. He returned his piercing gaze to hers and tried to give his most honest answer.

_I don't know_.

_Safe in my arms _

_You're only sleeping_

Kate stared at him for a few seconds longer then stepped forward and buried her head into his shoulder, draping her arms around his neck as she did so. Sawyer held her tightly, feeling her body shake as she cried. And the guilt surged through his body even harder. He didn't want to remember. Not any of it. But it was going to stay with him for the rest of his life, never ceasing its torment. Not now or ever.

--------------------------------

Twelve hours ago Sawyer had stepped out of his tent and into the bright morning light. He hung his head and ran a hand through his hair, letting out a mournful sigh. His eyes drooped with fatigue and his back was sore. Setting himself down on the sand, Sawyer drew his legs up to his chest, draping his arms around them. He looked at the survivors around him.

Their walk was slow and solemn and their heads seemed to almost be bent down. They didn't talk much, just occasionally nodded at one another or exchanged a few words. But that was all. Not much more life escaped them. Not on this particular morning at least.

Sawyer bit his lip. _They ain't talking 'cause it's all my fault. Every single bit of it. No matter what_ he _said_. Slowly, painfully, the memory floated back to him.

"Sawyer..." Jack's voice was barely audible.

Sawyer briefly glanced at the doctor. "Jack, I'm, tryin' to do something here." he said in a frantic voice as he attempted to rip open gauze packages.

But Jack spoke again. "No..."

"What do you mean, 'No,'?" Sawyer was incredulous.

The doctor struggled to breathe. "It...it's not worth...it..."

"Yes, it is!"

"Sawyer, I-"

But Sawyer wasn't going to hear any of it. "I'm gonna save you, Jack! I promised-"

"Damn it, Sawyer!" Jack suddenly yelled with surprising strength. "I'm trying to tell you something!"

At that, Sawyer immediately grew quiet. He stared at Jack's head and his head alone, keeping his eyes averted from the gruesome sight below it. From the chest down was a mass of blood and shreds of clothing. Horrendous gashes covered Jack's body and they weren't getting any better. Sawyer tried not to notice the blood pumping out with every heartbeat. He bit his lip.

Jack gasped for air. "I'm...not gonna make it, Sawyer. You know that..." His voice faded a little.

Sawyer shook his head violently, denying it. "No. I'm gonna save you, Jack! I promised her!"

"Sawyer, please." Jack said even more softer than before. The doctor locked eyes with Sawyer, almost pleadingly.

Shifting his gaze away from Jack, Sawyer debated inside his head. He had promised Kate that he would save him. He promised. But deep down, a little voice was telling him that he wasn't going to make it. No matter what Sawyer did. He had always wondered what would happen if the savior was the one who needed to be saved for a change. But now that was the last thing he wanted. He wasn't the hero. And he wasn't going to be. Not now or ever.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, hanging his head.

Jack made an attempt to smile but the effort cost him his strength. "Don't worry." He winced suddenly and let out a groan. He moved his mouth open as if he was going to say something but no words came out. Sawyer stepped closer to hear what Jack was trying to say.

"If we ever...get off this place," he began weakly. "bring...my body back to my...mom."

This request startled Sawyer who just stared at Jack, speechless.

"Please."

Shaking himself out of his trance, Sawyer immediately agreed. "Yeah. Sure."

"I want you to promise me s-something." Jack's voice was barely louder than a whisper now causing Sawyer to strain his ears. "Promise m-me that you'll keep Kate safe."

Sawyer looked directly into Jack's eyes. "I promise." And he was dead serious.

The corners of Jack's mouth twitched as he tried to smile. His breathing became shallow and labored. "It's been nice knowing you, Sawyer." He nodded slightly at him.

"Same here, Jack."

"Guess I'll see you on the other side, then."

Sawyer clenched his jaws. "Guess so." he said quietly.

With that, Jack's dark eyes slowly fluttered close and his body relaxed into the makeshift operating table. His operating table. His breathing slowed, quietly, gently. And then he died. On the same table he had used to save lives.

_What can you see _

_On the horizon?_

_Why do the white gulls call?_

It was all his fault. If only he'd been the one to save Kate from that cage of branches and not Jack. Then Jack wouldn't have fallen down a 40 feet cliff. Then he wouldn't have had to drag his seemingly lifeless body back to the beach. Then he wouldn't have had to die.

As the torturous memory came to an end, Sawyer found himself staring off into the ocean. Silently, he cursed his inability to save Jack. He cursed those Others for taking Kate into the jungle. He cursed every moment he spent thinking about what happened last night, each thought as painful as the last. But the one thing that just tore him apart was the haunting fact that it should've been him. He was the one who swore to himself to protect Kate at any cost, not Jack. He should've been the one to go after her alone while the rest were fighting the Others. Then he would have been the one to fall. Then Jack would still be alive. And he wouldn't have any guilt to torture his mind. Not now or ever.

As Sawyer stared off into the ocean, he became aware of a figure in the distance. He squinted his eyes to get a better view of what it was. At first, he didn't believe what he was seeing. There, floating about 3 miles away from shore was a ship. It was huge, like those research vessels that carried scientists around. And it was right in front of his face. Sawyer rubbed his eyes to make sure they were working correctly. After all, he had been up almost all last night and didn't trust his blurry vision right now. The ship was still there.

_I must be dreaming_, he thought, shaking his head. _Damn, this island and lack off sleep really does stuff to you_.

Just then Hurley walked up to him. "Hey, man." Hurley said a bit hesitantly. He shifted his feet in the sand. "Listen, uh...I know you're not really the talking type right now but I was wondering-"

"Is there somethin' you want, StayPuft?" Sawyer asked a little more sharply than he intended to. Practically the whole island knew about what had happened in the jungle and with Jack the other day. They also knew that Sawyer blamed no one but himself for what happened to the doctor. Last night, after Jack died, Sawyer had stepped out of the tent, sweating and covered in blood. He refused to speak to anyone, except Kate, to whom only then he had said just a few words to.

Hurley looked out at the ocean. "Do you see that thing out there in the middle of the water?" He pointed at the ship Sawyer had been staring at.

Sawyer raised an eyebrow at Hurley. "What thing?" He didn't want anyone to think that he was seeing things when they weren't really there. That was the last thing he needed.

"Dude, it's only the big-ass ship that's sitting in the middle of the freakin' ocean." said Hurley exasperatedly.

"You see it too?" Sawyer felt his heart skip a beat.

"Uh, yeah."

There was a silence between them. Then Hurley spoke.

"Does this mean what I think it means?"

"If it means we're getting rescued," replied Sawyer under his breath. "then I do believe in miracles."

_Across the sea_

_A pale moon rises_

_The ships have come_

_To carry you home_

The survivors ran to the water's edge, yelling joyfully to the people coming to them in a raft. They all whooped and clapped and cheered, relieved that they were finally going home. Sawyer lifted himself up from his spot in the sand and mournfully dragged his feet to the celebration. So he wasn't dreaming. This was all real. His eyes grazed over the people until they came to rest on one person.

Kate.

There she was, smiling and laughing with the others. But Sawyer saw the pain behind that smile. Pain that he couldn't bear to see her have. Pain that was all because of him. Just then her gaze found his and they locked eyes. He could almost feel her sorrow just by looking at her. Her smile faltered a bit but was quickly whisked back on by Claire hugging her forcefully.

Sawyer sighed. She will always hold that sadness deep within her and he will always blame himself. No matter how hard he tried, no matter what he did, no matter what he promised he could never take away Kate's grief. He could never look at her the same way again. Not now or ever.

_And all will turn to silver glass _

_A light on the water _

_All souls pass_

He marched down to the water. All around him, people stopped what they were doing and stared. The same emotion slid across their faces; sadness, gratitude, and speechlessness. And Sawyer stared back, his eyebrows knitted together, his mouth a thin line across his face. He walked past Charlie. The junkie shifted uncomfortably and glanced at what Sawyer was holding up.

Jack's body was laid on a makeshift stretcher, a heavy tarp covering almost all of it save for his head. His eyes were closed lightly, almost like he was asleep. But he was way past sleeping. They all knew that.

Sawyer kept on going. In front of him, holding up the other end, was Sayid. His head was bent down and he walked like a prisoner being sent to the guillotine. No one said a word, not the survivors or the scientists who had came on the rescue boats and Sawyer knew they were all paying their respects even if they didn't know him.

Jack had kept them alive. Maybe some of them had reluctantly followed, like Sawyer, but he pulled them through. He saved the ones who needed saving. He helped the ones who needed to be helped. He sat with the ones who needed the company. And they were all grateful, no matter what they thought of him.

Slowly, gently, Sawyer and Sayid set the stretcher on one of the waiting boats. One of the men who had gotten off shook Sawyer's hand and offered his deepest condolences. Sawyer merely nodded his response. The last thing he wanted to hear right then was the sympathies of other people being presented to him. _Save it for the minister_, he wanted to snap but he kept his mouth shut. He just wanted to get out of here. Away as he possibly could from this island of nightmares. And he never wanted to look back. Not now or ever.

_Hope fades _

_Into the world of night _

_Through shadows falling _

_Out of memory and time_

Darkness was closing in around them. Outside the window, only a sliver of the sun remained visible over the horizon, casting a slight orange glow in the cabin. Nothing moved. Just the small rise and fall of their chests as they breathed.

Sawyer lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Next to him was Kate with her hand on his chest and her head resting on his shoulder. He knitted his brows together. For what seemed like hours, they had done nothing but lay there, not saying a word to one another. Sawyer desperately wanted her to say something, anything. He just couldn't stand the silence anymore.

_Don't say _

_We have come now to the end _

_White shores are calling _

_You and I will meet again_

Just as he was thinking this, Kate drew a breath as if she were about to say something.

"Sawyer..." Her voice was soft and mournful.

"Yeah?"

"When we get back...to the mainland..." She couldn't seem to get the words out of her mouth. Just talking looked like it cost her everything.

"What is it?" he asked gruffly. He didn't mean to sound harsh but whatever was in Kate's mind needed to come out.

Kate swallowed. "What do you think is gonna happen?"

Those words hit Sawyer like a brick wall. _What the hell does she mean?_ So he decided to play with her a bit. "Well, we get back to civilization, have the media bite off our asses for a telling of the real Survivor, then have our chance at revenge and all sue Oceanic together. How's that sound?"

"Sawyer, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Kate said in a hard voice. "What's going to happen to me?"

Sawyer's eyes immediately narrowed. "If you're thinking about the Feds you can forget it. There's no way I'm letting those stuck up bastards take you."

"But—"

"No 'buts'." Sawyer cut in, not even letting Kate finish. "Nothing's gonna happen to you." Gently, he pulled her closer to him. His thoughts went back to just about 24 hours ago as he stood by Jack's side, remembering the man's final words to him. Now, he echoed his vow, reminding himself of the true weight of his words. "I promise."

_And you'll be here in my arms _

_Just sleeping_

Absentmindedly, he began stroking her arm, trying to put her at ease. He could feel her tense, fragile body next to his and could only imagine the thoughts running through her mind at the moment. She had been through so much already. She didn't need this. She didn't deserve this. Jack had been the only brotherly figure she had in her life and he'd only been brought to her by a chance of fate. But fate had a cruel way of turning on her. And Sawyer hated that.

As Sawyer sank deeper into his thoughts, he slightly noticed Kate's body go slack next to him. He let out a mournful sigh. She was sleeping now, leaving whatever it was she was dealing with inside her conscious head to linger among her dreams, something that was often more devastating than thoughts. With Kate now safely asleep, Sawyer debated on whether or not to leave her in the cabin for a moment. He had one last thing he needed to do before Jack's body was prepared for burial back on shore, wherever that "shore" may be, where he would no longer be given privacy about what had happened. After a while of silence, Sawyer made up his mind. Stealing a glance at Kate to make sure she was still sleeping, he carefully worked his arm out from under her and got off the bed. Then, he turned the brass knob of the door and silently let himself out.

_What can you see _

_On the horizon?_

_Why do the white gulls call?_

_Across the sea _

_A pale moon rises _

_The ships have come _

_To carry you home_

When they had finally loaded Jack's body into one of the waiting boats, the short ride to the ship started. Since only 5 people at a time could ride in one boat, Sawyer opted to go with the one carrying Jack with Sayid and 2 of the scientists to drive. He sat at the bow, looking across the clear blue water at the enormous ship that awaited them. They were finally going home. After being through what seemed like hell on earth on that godforsaken island, they could finally put it behind them. But for Sawyer, forgetting about what happened would be one of the last things he could do.

With his brows furrowed, he cursed his fate for making this happen to him. For making him blame himself. For letting Kate down. For letting the survivors down. For having the memory forever etched into his mind to replay over and over and over again no matter what he did. They would never stop haunting him. Not now or ever.

_And all will turn _

_To silver glass _

_A light on the water _

_Grey ships pass _

_Into the West_

Sawyer shivered in the 35 degree temperature of one of the huge refrigerators on the ship. It was as big as a garage and had been cleared out of its usual inhabitants to make room for the only thing that was laying on a cold metal table in the middle. Despite the goose bumps that were rapidly forming on his skin, Sawyer didn't move from his spot. Instead, he stared determinedly at what lay on the table before him.

Jack's face peeked out from the top of the blanket that had replaced the tarp that had been laid over his body. He was so pale now, paler than when Sawyer had brought his body down to the boats to be taken to the ship just a few hours ago. But he still looked as if he were asleep, his eyes lightly closed, his face placid and creaseless.

Sawyer looked at Jack now and for a second wished that he could experience that same peace within himself but knew it would never come. Right now the only peace that he had was in the space of the fridge with the generators softly humming from behind the walls and the body of the man he had tried to save still and cold in front of him. He had come here to spend the last few moments of privacy he would have to settle what turmoil he could in his mind before the media came and stuck their noses into every little thing that had happened on the island. He was different now, everyone knew that. But there was something in him that just didn't feel right that no one could detect, something that wanted to escape from him but hadn't been given the chance to do so. It pained him terribly to stand there next to Jack, the guilt he had harbored seemingly choking him slowly, but he did so anyway, forcing himself to look at the man.

He stood there for what seemed like ages, the tension building up inside him. Then, without even realizing it, Sawyer did something he hadn't done in a long time.

He cried.

He didn't sob or have cascades of tears flow down his cheeks. Instead, he cried silently, the tears rolling down one drop at a time. Never in his time that he had come to know Jack, did he ever think that he'd ever cry in front of the him and yet here he was, tears streaking down his face. But he didn't cry out of his sadness. He cried for Kate and her losing the closest person she had to a brother. He cried for the survivors for losing the man they had come to look up to and trust as their leader. He cried for himself and his inability to save the only person he ever had to really save in his life. And as he cried, he felt the tension in his chest that had been trapped inside him ever since the incident, slowly ebb away. He didn't have to hold it in anymore.

As his tears started to dry, he looked at Jack again with clear eyes. He thought of his promise to him and in his head reiterated it to himself. _I ain't the hero, Jack_, he thought. _You know that. Savin' people isn't my stuff. I know what I promised you and I won't forget it but I can't live up to it word for word and you showed me why. I know I can't protect Kate from everything in this world but I swear on my life I'll damned well try to do it. And I ain't givin' it anything less than my best. _

With that final promise, Sawyer turned his back and started walking to the exit. But when he reached the door, he stopped, his hand resting on the handle. Slowly, he turned his head and looked over his shoulder. His gaze fell on Jack again, laying on the cold metal table, a solemn reminder of his failure and promise, and he knew it'd be the last time he'd see him. He couldn't bear to look at the man one more time after that.

_See ya, Jack_.

And he opened the door, the door leading home and to what his new life had in store for him, and quietly let himself out.

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A/N: Hope I didn't make it too depressing. ;) Anyway, please review and tell me what you think! 


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